I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
