the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
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I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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