Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Houston, we have a squirter
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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