Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize