She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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