That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
