he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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