I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
