Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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