Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
