you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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