Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Drunk is not a location!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
