do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
