sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
