By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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