# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
