According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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