I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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