shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
