I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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