I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
