singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
