Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize