Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
