but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
