a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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