it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
