im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
