and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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