He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
