I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
