Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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