i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
