Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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