totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
