When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
