Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
