i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
