i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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