He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
