Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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