The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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