i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
