I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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