I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
