There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
