Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
