i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
