Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
