I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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