I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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