OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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