I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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