That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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