Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
