So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You made out with two different species that night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
