i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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