Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
