so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
bring money and cleavage
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
