I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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