This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
