okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
