So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
