quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
