man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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