She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize