I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
