what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
