i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
