I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
