I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
