remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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