I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
