Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
