How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
