he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize