Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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