i just had sex bonerless
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
