Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
